Two Little Mischievous Boys

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger i n the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Akpos, You Wan Die?

Akpos, You Wan Die?
A Warri tenant walked in & saw his landlord's son trying to commit suicide & a brief conversation ensued:

Tenant: Akpos! Wetin you de do so?

Akpos: I dey try commit suicide, as Papa dey always complain say my life dey worthless!

Tenant: That one no good now, but why you come tie d rope for your waist?

Akpos: Bros, no be small thing o! I bin tie d rope for neck, I NEARLY DIE!

Akpos The Bad Houseboy

Akpos who was a houseboy usually sneaks into his Oga's room, drinks his wine and add water to top it up. One day his Oga bought a new wine called pasties, it was a french wine that changes colour if water is added to it. Akpos unaware of this, sneaked into his Oga's room, drank the new wine and added water to it. Immediately it started changing colour.
...
Akpos: I am in trouble, big trouble.
He ran to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, oga and madam were seated in the parlor, while Akpos was in the kitchen.
...
OGA: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?.
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my pasties?.
No answer.

Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Akpos there.

OGA: Are you insane or what?. Why when i call, you say "Oga" but when i ask you a question you don't answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything except your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to the parlor, stand beside madam and ask me a question while i stand here.

Akpos went and did what oga said.

Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the maid's bedroom when madam is not at home?.
No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, i say who dey sneak enter the house girl room when madam no dey house.
No answer.

Oga runs out of the kitchen.

OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpos, it is true o, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, except one's name.
MADAM: That's not true. It's a lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want to be tested?.
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen

She enters.

Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior's biological Father?. Me or Oga
Madam rushed out of the kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to be fumigated o, i can't understand anything at all.

Akpos Son's Naming

Akpos insisted that his first child must bear his name. So on the day of naming....

Rev: Which name would you like your child to bear?
Akpos: With smiles all over his face he said, Akpos!
Rev: No! He has to bear an English name.
Akpos: Ok oh, Akposky!
Rev: Listen, your son should be named after a saint in the bible.
Akpos: Nawa oh, which kind wahala be this?? Ok oga pastor, my son will bear St. Akpostus.

Akpos is mad

In Aro, they wanted to test to know the next of the insane men to release. The doctor drew a door on the wall and asked the patients to open and pass through it.

All the insane men rushed to the door to open but Akpos. He sat down and watched them, the doctor thinks Akpos' brain is back to normal. Doctor goes to him

Doctor: Akpos why are u sitting down?
Akpos: They are all mad! Doctor the key to that door is in my pocket.

Mumuni Sister wan Die

Mumuni's sister Kafaya took a rope to commit suicide...

Mumuni: Ah ah Kafaya why you dey tire rope for up?
Kafaya : I wan hang myself jor!
Mumuni: Why you kon wear makeup na?
Kafaya : You dey mad ni?!!! You no know say my face go show for papers and teli tomorrow?

Boys from Girls

Girl: Babe, delete her. I don't like her.
Boy: Okay, no problem. I deleted her for you.
Girl: Don't talk to her. I don't trust you guys talking.
Boy: Okay, I won't talk to her, baby.
Girl: Don't chill with her. I don't feel comfortable with it.
Boy: Alright, I won't see her so you don't have to worry. Girl: You better not be flirting with any other girls.
Boy: I'm not, baby. I don't even talk to much girls anymore.

Boy: Babe, delete him. I don't like him.
Girl: But I've known him for awhile. He's like a brother to me.
Boy: Don't talk to him. I don't trust you guys talking.
Girl: But we're just friends. There's nothing going on.
Boy: Don't chill with him. I don't feel comfortable with it.
Girl: But we chill in the same circle of friends, it's not like he doesn't know about you.
Boy: You better not be flirting with any other guys.
Girl: They're not flirting with me, they're just being friendly